STELLA BONASERA AND THE PARABLE OF THE SORRY IDIOT
by JOVANKA
Summary: Unfortunately as much as i hate this particular story line i don't think we are going to get away without revisiting the Adam incident at some point this season so here is my take on Mac finding out poss spoilers SMACKED FOREVER AND A DAY .


**STELLA BONASERA AND THE PARABLE OF THE SORRY IDIOT.**

**Legal stuff : all characters absolutely, definitely ,completely not mine (if they were there would be entire squadron's of flying pigs circling above planet earth and an Ice age in Hades before Adam got so much as a polite peck on the cheek from Stella Bonasera……SMACKED FOREVER ADAM NEVER!"**

**A/N: I know the world and his wife have done the when Mac finds out story but I had this idea and simply couldn't resist.**

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It was raining heavily in New York City somewhere deep inside Stella Bonasera knew that but truthfully she couldn't care less it barely registered in her tortured mind and heart; the raindrops running down her skin saturating her hair and clothes provided perfect camouflage for the tears streaming down her cheeks. She had headed for central park no real reason why just to get away from the Lab and from him from Mac Taylor he was disgusted by her had told her so and she couldn't blame him after all it was her own fault wasn't it? Wandering alone through the empty park she sat down on a sodden bench and sobbed her heart out she didn't care now if she never left this spot the man she loved with all her heart her soul mate despised her and there was nothing left for her in this world.

Things between them hadn't been right for weeks now oh they worked together just as they always had partners to the end but something was missing some spark, some connection had gone. She needed to know for certain why even though she could guess he knew….knew about that night the biggest most idiotic mistake she had ever or would ever be likely to make so when they had been alone in his office she had asked him straight out "Mac what's wrong? Please tell me." "Nothing" He had lied turning away from her at first but she had refused to give up "That's not true and you know it" She insisted moving to stand in front of him "Please Mac you are my best friend tell me what's wrong….. I hate this space between us." "Why Adam? Why Him? How could you have so little self respect for yourself?" He demanded to know angrily.

"I……it was a huge mistake things got out of hand …….way out of hand" Stella stammered in shock "You're not denying it then?" He retorted "I'm not exactly proud of it Mac but what would be the point of lying?" She answered regaining some of her equilibrium. "I was hoping it was some kind of misunderstanding that you couldn't be so stupid ……." He hollered "Damn it Stella I thought you were worth more than that the Lab bike opening your legs for Adam Ross." "It wasn't like that Mac……." She frantically tried to explain "I was trying to stop Flack he was in Sullivan's drinking far, far too much whiskey he insisted I have one drink with him then he insisted on toasting Jess and then another on and on……" "That's alright then Flack got you drunk so therefore your fair game for any red blooded man that crosses your path" Mac seethed. "Why am I even bothering?" Stella flipped her flip "I don't owe you an explanation and I certainly don't need to apologise Mac what I do in my private life is just that and you have no right at all to act like this." "I have every right when the integrity of my Lab is compromised because you can't keep your panties on" He bellowed "Just get out of my sight Stella you disgust me what you did disgusts me and I can't bear to be in the same room with you anymore."

Without saying another word Stella had left Mac's office and gone into the locker room slamming the door behind her she had slumped to floor hugging her legs to her chest her heart felt like it had shattered into a million little pieces "Oh god Stella what have you gone and done how could you be so stupid?" She sobbed out loud; Mac had been angry with her before but she wasn't sure that she could fix it this time and it was killing her. "Stella……Stel are you Ok in there?" Adam's concerned voice vibrated through the door Adam she groaned inwardly the last thing she needed right now was another Adam Ross attempt at courtship he'd been driving her mad since that night chocolates, poetry, flowers she had given them all back but he steadfastly refused to get the message that she was not interested in him what so ever.

I'm fine ….." She said out loud first standing up and then rubbing her eyes dry on her shirt sleeve; "Good…..can I come in then?" He asked softly "Yes" She replied wearily and he entered the locker room. "I …..Well everyone heard you and Mac fighting I wanted to see if you were Ok" He explained his presence "I'm feeling a little tired I think I'm gonna go home maybe sleep awhile" Stella told him opening her locker to collect her things. "I've finished for the day to maybe we could get a pizza or something" He suggested "No I don't think that would be a good idea Adam really I don't" She shook her head. "Because of Mac? It doesn't matter what he thinks he can't hurt us" He said "No not because of Mac and for the last time Adam there is no us and there never will be" She sighed feeling her dander begin to rise "Please try to understand it was a stupid mistake nothing more." "You said it was wonderful" He pointed out "I was trying to let you down gently the truth is after we left the Lab together I can't remember anything till the next morning when I woke up at your place" She admitted "…..and truthfully I wish I could forget that too if I could go back in time and wipe the slate clean believe me I would in a heartbeat."

"Don't say that we could be happy I could make you happy…." He pleaded "Adam! Stop this…..I don't want you I never did" She exploded "It's Mac I want it's always been Mac and it will always be Mac who has my heart I'm sorry I ever laid eyes on you if you were the last man on the planet I still wouldn't want to be with you if Frankie Maia walked in here and asked for a date I would say yes if it mean't it got rid of you" She yelled at the top of her lungs. "But I love you" He spluttered tearfully "No you don't love me Adam you just love the idea of me Stella Bonasera supercsi every schoolboys wet dream …….if you had genuinely loved me then instead of thinking with your pants you would have been my friend that night and taken me home like you were asked too not slept with me you and I both know I was completely out of it and I was hurting so badly I hadn't a clue what I was doing a poor excuse I know but you can't even claim that can you? Do you honestly think Flack or Hawkes would have treated me like that? "Stella fumed slamming her locker door shut "Well do you?" "No" He replied hoarsely "I thought that's what you wanted I swear I never forced you to do anything you didn't want too." "I know that Adam I made my own mess nobody to blame but myself but have you finally got the message loud and clear there is no us, there never was and there never will be I'm sorry if the truth hurts you but I'll never stop loving Mac" She finished "Crystal" Adam quietly replied.

"You disgust me what you did disgusts me………" Oh god how could he have been so stupid? How could he have ever said those things to her? He'd been so angry not even at Stella but at himself he'd let her down when she needed him the most. He knew how badly she had hurt losing both Professor P and Jess in such a short time oh and the cherry on the cake learning that the mother she had never known well Professor P had been lying about not knowing her all Stella's life and what had he done? Nothing absolutely nothing at all his precious work had been more important than her well being. He'd been stupid enough to let her walk of into the night falling apart with Adam whose sole mission in life was to get inside her pants. Then just to add insult to injury when she'd come to him tried to explain had he listened or even tried to? No he'd gone completely ballistic and why because he'd hated the idea f her being with any man other than himself because he couldn't bear to think of her finding happiness with somebody else anybody else simply because he loved her.

She hadn't even closed his office door before he regretted every last word he'd said to her…….. He'd chased after Stella planning to fall at her feet and beg for forgiveness tell her he didn't mean any of it that he was a moron a jealous one at that but he had been two seconds too late arriving outside the locker room just in time to see Adam entering and it had destroyed him. He'd smacked the wall with his fist in sheer dismay then dejected he'd turned around and walked back to his office his heart dying a little more with every step he took. That's when it had happened or rather she had happened he could hear her yelling at Adam from his office …… hell they could probably hear her in Beijing! He could hear everything she said …..Part of him (admittedly a very small part) even felt sorry for Adam. Mac had been on the receiving end of Mount Bonasera when she erupted more than once and he new full well Adam simply didn't have the balls to withstand her at full force very few people did …. He wasn't even sure he could half the time.

Adam's downfall though had been his salvation Stella had made it completely and utterly clear that she had no romantic feelings for Adam whatsoever it had made Mac want to dance for joy all around his office. When she had said ……ok yelled out that Mac had her heart and always would he'd nearly died of happiness …..She loved him even after everything he'd said Stella Bonasera loved him! He could have made Ussain Bolt look like an amateur dashing to the locker room but he'd done it again finding just a crestfallen looking Adam in there "You heard her she loves you don't just stand there get after her" He said walking off in a trance. Mac had done just that sprinting off into the car park but she wasn't there so he'd dashed around to the front of the building to see her walking down the street "Stella…..Stella I'm so sorry please wait….." He yelled out as loud as he could but she didn't hear his plea and turned a corner so Mac set off after her large spots of rain beginning to cover the side walk.

As hard as he tried he couldn't seem to catch her up or attract her attention she seemed completely oblivious to everything and everyone around her but his chance finally came when she entered Central Park. At first he couldn't find her he dashed around the park a man possessed "Stella…Stella where are you?" He called out her name over and over what if she had done something terrible because of him and the things he'd said? He was absolutely terrified the rain soaked him to the skin but he simply didn't care all that mattered to him was Stella then he spotted her sitting on a bench staring into space thanking every god he could think of he ran over to her "I'm so sorry Stella …..Please forgive me I'm an idiot a sorry idiot" Mac knelt down in front of her.

"That makes two of us then doesn't it?" She said softly turning to face him and he could see she had been crying another reason to hate himself "I'm so sorry Mac I miss you so much ……." "No you were right you've done nothing to apologize for" He shook his head "I'm at fault here I caused this but please believe me I didn't mean any of the things I said the only person I'm disgusted with is myself I had no right to speak to you the way I did and you have every right to be angry with me. The truth is I was jealous ……" "Jealous what of?" She asked astonished "Of Adam because I ……." Mac took a deep breath "I wanted it to be me you needed…… I thought he took you away from me and it was killing me inside ….I've known for a long time that I'm in love with you I think I always have been I just couldn't find the words to tell you and then that night when you came back to the Lab I sent you home with Adam practically gift wrapped you. I knew that you were hurting and how badly you needed me but I just had to find whoever had shot Danny first I put everything and everyone else above you ……I thought there would be time later for us then all of a sudden there wasn't ….."

"It was you I came looking for Mac not Adam I wanted you to hold me make it better but you sent me away and I felt completely alone……I loved you and you sent me away" She sobbed; "Please don't…… I hate it when you cry" He begged cupping her face so their foreheads met "I heard what you said to Adam did you mean it Stella? Do you still love me? The Adam thing it doesn't matter ok it does matter but not enough to risk losing you over if you'll let me I'll spend the rest of my life proving to you how much you mean to me I'm your sorry idiot if you'll have me." "I suppose we could be two sorry idiots together couldn't we?" She suggested "Is that a yes?" He asked hopefully "Mac of course that's a yes! I'm in love with you I've known that since the day I fixed your tie for you remember?" "You always were way smarter then me" He grinned his lips finding his way to hers "You'd better believe it Taylor" She breathed as they deepened the kiss the rain hammering down all around them completely forgotten.

Mac had taken her back to his place because it was nearest insisting they needed to get out of the rain before they became two sorry idiots with pneumonia; he had run her a hot bath explaining his Mom had always told him that along with hot tea it was the best way to ward of a cold. Stella had to admit Mrs Taylor's remedy worked wonders for her the bath felt heavenly even more so because she could here Mac humming in the next room she felt whole again for the first time in months. After her bath she wrapped a big fluffy towel around her midriff and another around her hair then she padded into Mac's bedroom to find he'd laid out a baggy blue Chicago cubs T-shirt and a clean pair of boxes for her smiling she slipped them both on they had such a nice Mac smell about them. "Stella are you descent?" Mac called out knocking on his bedroom door; "No but you can come in anyway" She teased; "Very funny I'm sure" He sighed entering the room carrying a tray laden with steaming hot tea, toast and several pots of both jam and honey "I wasn't sure what you'd prefer" He shrugged placing the tray onto the nightstand. "You don't need to do all this Mac" Stella told him settling on his bed "Yes I do" He smiled placing a soft kiss on her nose "You just make yourself comfy whilst I hit the shower" He instructed grabbing his pyjamas along the way.

Later when she had finished eating and he'd showered he came in to the bedroom and settled down besides her "Stella there's something I need to ask you" He said carefully "That sounds ominous" She replied. "Maybe…. Don't be angry but when I was in here earlier whilst you were bathing I knocked your purse to the floor and I found these had fallen out" He told her opening a draw to pull out a small container full of prescription pills with her name on them "Are they what I think they are?" Stella slowly nodded "Anti-depressants after losing Professor P and Jess it just felt like the world had caved in on me …..It was as if there was this giant gaping black hole inside me and I didn't know what to do about it ……." She confessed "Add to that I was non-existent oh god Stel I'm so so sorry I didn't know I swear" He berated himself angrily "You were taking these that night weren't you? I saw the date on them they were given to you three days before." "Yes" She confirmed "Then I was stupid enough to mix alcohol with them." "No wonder you didn't know what you were doing I've been such an idiot haven't I?" He groaned "My sorry idiot I'll thank you to remember that Detective Taylor and I love you just the way you are" She assured him "Come here" He pulled her into his embraced "I love you too after I lost Claire I thought I could never love any one in the world like that again but now you are my world if I ever forget that again just shoot me on the spot deal?" "Deal" She agreed happily snuggling into his arms.

The following morning they arrived at work together to find Adam pacing up and down outside Mac's office "Your both here I kind of thought you would be which is good because I can tell you both together….." He rambled. "Adam you not making any sense at all" Mac rumbled "It will I mean I will we just need to go into your office and I can explain everything about that night I didn't mean for any of this to happen it seemed such a good idea at the time…." He continued "Adam!" Stella rolled her eyes in exasperation "Oh right Office" Adam said barging past them into Mac's office leaving Mac to follow and Stella to shut the door behind them.

"Adam about yesterday I'm sorry….." Stella began "No you don't owe me an apology this is all my own fault" Adam interrupted "Ok I have to get this out in one go or I never will you see nothing happened between us that night nothing at all. After we left the Lab you wanted to go find Flack but when we got back to the bar he was gone so you asked for water then you took some kind of pills I tried to stop you but you wouldn't listen. Then you said you were tired and you wanted to lie down so I said I'd take you home but you said you didn't want to be alone so I took you back to my place. We drank a few beers and we talked for a while you were upset kept saying you loved Mac but he didn't love you so I said maybe I could love you and you said maybe I could at that so I tried to kiss you only you fell over laughing said that I was cute but you needed a real man not a boy with a crush you loved Mac only Mac. Then you said you needed to lie down so you got up went into the bedroom undressed yourself and got in the bed then you went spark out till the morning. I know I should have told you the truth then but when you assumed that we'd slept together it made me feel ten feet tall thinking that 'The' Stella Bonasera could see me that way could even think that we had sex then I was going to tell you later at the Lab but you said it had been wonderful so I thought maybe just maybe it could happen for real I got it into my head you wanted it to be real it was just a matter of time."

"You were next to me in the bed when I woke up" Stella was flabbergasted "Two beers is usually my limit we must have put away at least a dozen between us I wanted to sleep and there was only one bed I didn't think you'd mind" He flushed bright red "I'm so sorry I never meant to cause you any pain Stella but we literally slept together that night that's all you were right about me I wasn't thinking as your friend all I could think of was what I wanted and I thought that was a relationship with you but what you said yesterday I realized just how much losing Mac hurt you how much you loved him and it made me understand that what I felt for you wasn't from my heart but my pants like you said a silly kid with a crush nothing more….so I'm ready Mac if you want to do that marine thing and kill me or fire me I deserve it I'm an idiot a….." "Sorry idiot" Mac and Stella chorused in unison "There seems to be a lot of it about these days" Mac sighed rubbing his temples. "Maybe I should go find something massively important to do in the Computer Lab" Adam offered sheepishly "Yes Adam I think that would be a good idea" Stella agreed "Thought so" Adam practically galloped out of Macs office and down the hall. "Well I didn't expect that did you?" Mac asked her "No not at all" She shook her head "I could kill him" Mac volunteered playfully "But you won't…… you still my sorry idiot though?" She wanted to know "On one condition" He grinned "Oh?" She raised an eyebrow "Have dinner with me tonight" He asked wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her to with an hairs breath of him "What happens if I say yes" She wanted to know slipping her arms around his neck her lips dangerously close to his. "Play your cards right I might practice the Mac Taylor patented seduction technique on you" He told her "There's a Mac Taylor seduction technique…." She murmured his lips almost covering hers "You'll just have to wait and see wont you….."He muttered their lips finally meeting to form a deep passionate kiss.

**Finis**


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